So I sat down to describe a kiss, and you know what I mean, right? It’s not that adoring kiss your mum plants on your cheek whenever she gets the chance nor those quick, soft pecks on the cheeks that anime fans are raving mad about. No. I am talking about those clichéd lip touches which no teenage books would be complete without.
I happily sat down with my writing materials, truly excited because this was the first kiss I would describe. I was then wondering how I would break it to my friends because neither I nor they have a shade of doubt about my disinterestedness regarding all things a bit over-romantic. I was fantasizing the look on their faces when they would hear me and how my work would be passed from one hand to another, winning loads of appreciation along the way. Well, it went quite all right for a while but then my tendency of being extremely expressive overcame me and I started describing the surroundings. A page and a half later I realized that I was straying off-topic so I finished off with the kiss in five sentences.
Then a few days later, me and my friend pretended to write each other love letters and it was pretty much like a dare to me. Well…I thought about it and ended up adding elements of fairytales, shakespeare and a bit of poetry, none of which even remotely indicated my feelings. That is when I decided never to dwell in the genre of love.
I must declare in my defence though, that it was not entirely my fault. What would I even know about love except for what I feel for my siblings and friends, and that unrequited, one-sided, utterly worthless and loathesome feelings for numerous characters whom I cannot even hope to meet? All my knowledge pertaining to that topic has been derived from books and movies (and a few convesations with my friends about their crushes). The reason I was not happy with my descriptions was that it didn’t match the supposed description of an actual kiss.
It is its extreme glorification which is the problem and not my inability to adhere to it. Now, a kiss is supposedly the most beautiful and most awaited part of a book and needs to take place in an equally romantic setting like a meadow under the stars, in a field of yellowing grass or on the seashore against a setting sun. And you just can’t kiss anyone like that or whenever you want to. You need an opportune moment like that time of intense happiness when you won a tournament or when you both survived an alien attack or possibly when a chance happening put you two alone together (did that even make sense?) Then you two realise you love each other (as if it was not pretty evident earlier) and you find that the kiss was absolutely perfect even if it was the first time for both of you.
Now, a person like me, who has practically no experience in this field, would start making a list of things expected from the perfect kiss. But now that I come to think of it, our perception was more than just wrong: it was stupid. I assume that anyone’s first kiss won’t be pre-planned, unless the friends of both parties, rather the lovers themselves, are involved in organising the big event. If this is the first time for both of them, then they would not know how to go about it (again an assumption), unless they have studied all there is to know on the internet. And if it really is not pre-planned, some unexpected, even unfortunate, incidents could take place. For example, our lover boy may have been gorging on some pleasant odoured garlic bread minutes before you know what happened (because not everyone has the presence of mind to carry chewing gums with themselves). This may result in the lovely smells entering the nostrils of his beloved and it may so happen that the girl being pretty sensitive to pungent smells may end up vomiting on the guy’s brand new shoes. A few curses exchanged on both sides and that is the end of the relationship. I, for one, would be eager to read such a book. Any recommendations are most welcome.